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Entry tags:
My arms are lobsters! Irrelevantly.
Yesterday, I thought to myself, "You know what could be a thing?"
"Finishing all my current threads and bowing out of Marina for a few months."
It's not necessarily that I want out of that game specifically. I love it, it's my home game, it's the first LJ-style RP I ever joined. I've met so many nice and welcoming people, I've made great friendships, I've had lots and lots of fun. When I dropped from Demeleier, certain OOC things were already making me very unhappy and certain personal things just made it too much to bear at the time. Marina wasn't in question because I was never unhappy, even if IC and OOC complications rose up from time to time.
What I want is time away from RP in general. I don't want to burn out when I'm obviously slowing down, having trouble motivating myself, being continually distressed by things in my real life and not wanting to tag as a result. I want more time to read, write, play video games. I don't want looking at my inbox to become a punishment every time I realise, "oh, I owe someone a tag from twelve days ago again!" and then I'm stuck between guilt and childish stamping of my feet because I still don't want to tag, but I feel like I really, really owe this person now.
It seems really, honestly ideal when I think about it: I could finish wrap up all my threads, not start anything new. I'd get through the next month of work without feeling bad for being too tired to do my tags in the evening, spend the next three months preparing for school/moving/adjusting to my new setting, and then reapp at the end of September.
However, there are reasons why I feel like I can't.
1. I'd be letting people down. Whether or not it's a good reason, it's important to me. I don't like letting people down. I am happy when I can make people happy. I've made certain promises with regards to CR and goings-on and I'd essentially be breaking those promises.
2. People will take my characters when I'm not looking! And that is just not okay.
3. Kay and Li won't let me into their house. THIS IS A GENUINE CONCERN OKAY.
4. I already have a horrible history of dropping characters. Yes, I care. I care if people I play with think I'm flaky and are reluctant to create CR with me because of said flakiness.
So that's where my head is right now.
I am unsure.
"Finishing all my current threads and bowing out of Marina for a few months."
It's not necessarily that I want out of that game specifically. I love it, it's my home game, it's the first LJ-style RP I ever joined. I've met so many nice and welcoming people, I've made great friendships, I've had lots and lots of fun. When I dropped from Demeleier, certain OOC things were already making me very unhappy and certain personal things just made it too much to bear at the time. Marina wasn't in question because I was never unhappy, even if IC and OOC complications rose up from time to time.
What I want is time away from RP in general. I don't want to burn out when I'm obviously slowing down, having trouble motivating myself, being continually distressed by things in my real life and not wanting to tag as a result. I want more time to read, write, play video games. I don't want looking at my inbox to become a punishment every time I realise, "oh, I owe someone a tag from twelve days ago again!" and then I'm stuck between guilt and childish stamping of my feet because I still don't want to tag, but I feel like I really, really owe this person now.
It seems really, honestly ideal when I think about it: I could finish wrap up all my threads, not start anything new. I'd get through the next month of work without feeling bad for being too tired to do my tags in the evening, spend the next three months preparing for school/moving/adjusting to my new setting, and then reapp at the end of September.
However, there are reasons why I feel like I can't.
1. I'd be letting people down. Whether or not it's a good reason, it's important to me. I don't like letting people down. I am happy when I can make people happy. I've made certain promises with regards to CR and goings-on and I'd essentially be breaking those promises.
2. People will take my characters when I'm not looking! And that is just not okay.
3. Kay and Li won't let me into their house. THIS IS A GENUINE CONCERN OKAY.
4. I already have a horrible history of dropping characters. Yes, I care. I care if people I play with think I'm flaky and are reluctant to create CR with me because of said flakiness.
So that's where my head is right now.
I am unsure.