Literally, my only stake in the family is the kids - they wouldn't understand why I'd rather not attend family functions, so I do. As much as I love my grandparents, they do see the dysfunction and know what a strained relationship my mother and I have, so they give me a free pass to be estranged. The kids are too young to get that, so I try to pretend I'm involved for their sake. I didn't want them to be the ones to be disappointed - but it looks like that can happen even despite my best efforts.